At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize