i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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