and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
