Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
