Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
