And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
