i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
