Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
