Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize