if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
