and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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