haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
