The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I puked a lego.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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