who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
