Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
