his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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