Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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