I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize