Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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