I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
