He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
