Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize