Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
