Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
