If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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