Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
