So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
