If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ketchup is God's man juice
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize