when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
