so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
