seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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