He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
