U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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