Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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