i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
