eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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