I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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