Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize