So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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