He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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