he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
