I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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