i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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