I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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