what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know her cup size but not her name....
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