Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My pussy is not your playground.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
