cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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