I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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