All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
