I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
