dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
