btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
