Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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