I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
