oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Text me some of your sweat
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
