did you get engaged???
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
