I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it because I queefed?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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