dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
