paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
