i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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