She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize