she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
