he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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