have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
