how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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