I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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