Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
