I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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