this just has baby written all over it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
