so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
