my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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