Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
