i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
