I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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