god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
