Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like iHOP with fire
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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