why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
