Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
