Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
