I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
