She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
