Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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