it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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