walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
