I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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