come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
