I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
