oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
