I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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