I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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