so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
