I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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