She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
