First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
