The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
