all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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