you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
