we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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