haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
