I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
