My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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