Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
