I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
