she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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