Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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