Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
