Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize