Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
