yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
