How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
