I accidentally burped into my bong.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
