what day is it and did you see me today?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
