Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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