ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
