I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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