Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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