Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's the barista slut.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
