my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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