He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
