oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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