He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
