worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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