he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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