just tell him i said nine months
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
