i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
